Idealistic Perfectionist

The Idealistic Perfectionist

Someone once remarked that I am too idealistic, which I discovered to be genuine after I did some soul searching during the night. I used to be a devout believer, one who put his quiet and yet resilient faith in this world, hoping that truth will always prevail and good will always triumph over evil. Values comprising courage, friendship, love and sincerity are inherent in every single human being or being instilled through daily experience and lessons. Instead, I stumbled upon the bricks of fear, prejudice, hatred and hypocrisy which pile up to form an inpenetrable barrier surrounding my heart.

I have seen people giving in to their fears by adopting passive behaviour;

I have seen people befriending others and expanding influence in order to achieve their own hidden agendas or whatever ulterior motives they might have;

I have seen people mistaking strong emotional dependence and irresponsible flirting through senseless bickering and mindless squabbling for love;

I have seen people pretending to be on friendly terms with one another on the surface while deep down they simply cannot wait to backstab the ones whom they had lunch with;

These logical reasoning brought me to this conclusion:

What I had believed in was nothing more than an illusion.

A life without a direction is like a ship sailing across the vicious waves in the midst of a raging thunderstorm on a dark and stormy night without the guidance of the lighthouse.

That's what I am. Lost. Trapped in the quicksand of time, the more I sacrifice to free myself out of this mess I only find myself sinking deeper into the abyss of darkness.

And where is the hand which is supposed to pull me out of this predicament?